Confession Session

1) I did not watch the Superbowl last night - and I am a football fanatic. I am however, thrilled that the Saints beat that little girl Peyton Manning. I have no reason for it, but I can't stand the guy.
2) I caved and put all my NCIS timers back in place. I've now seen them so many times that I'm able to do other stuff (like read) with it in the background.
3) I'm feeling slightly motivated, so I might actually go into work today. My goal is to at least leave the house. We'll just see how that plays out. This melatonin gives me some funky ass dreams!

I Actually Don't Have a Case of the Mondays...

Alright, so I overslept, but for once, I don't dread the day. I wonder why that is? I did some pretty big things this last weekend. Big for me anyway. I went in and deleted all my dvr shows (re-runs only) so I won't be tempted to stay in bed and hide from the world by watching them over and over.
I deleted ALL my NCIS and Burn Notice shows - which I have found that I was really relying on as a crutch to escape my life.
I ended up setting the timers for Psych, which I don't hate, but don't find all that great. They've had a marathon the last two days and I recorded all of them, wondering if it was a bad idea, because what if I start to watch that show obsessively, but I've been playing them (I have one on right now) and it's really just background noise.
So I'm going to check my email, fb, read the news and head into work, hopefully by 12:00. That's the plan anyway...

TGIF!

I am slightly hungover from last night. I didn't even go out. I kept watching the clock until at 8:30 I couldn't stand it anymore. I fixed several vodkas and took my sleepy pills and went to bed. Took a while to work, but they finally did. Boy did I have some funky dreams! I woke up this morning thinking of the show "House". The last three or four days I've had to wake myself up from such realistic dreams that they must be hallucinations. I might be going a little to far with that. But it's a little freaky all the same.

#2 of Benjamin Franklin's Thirteen Virtues

Order: Let each part of your business have it's time.

oi, this is hard!

Ugggghhhh

Well my week has sucked so I'm going to try to go out on a high note. This morning I've been a shredding fool and it is quite satisfying. I'm having someone come by late this afternoon to work in the house, so I have to be here. But no need to be here now. Wanna know why I'm ass dragging? Weeellllll, a pretty little box from Amazon was sitting on my doorstep this morning with FOUR books in them!!!! They are calling my name (it really hurts to not drop everything and just jump right in!) Problem number two: The new Burn Notice comes on tonight and they're having an ALL DAY Burn Notice MARATHON!!!!
I am soooo pathetic.

It's Wednesday...

The good news is I have to stay around the house today because Angel Pest Control is coming! Yay! Excuses not to leave the house! I really feel like ass right now so I'm not going to post, except to say: it's so kickin' ass that Scott Brown won last night!!!! I am excited to read the news blogs!!

OMG - It's 10:00 and I just woke up!!

I don't understand!!! I was in bed by an appropriate hour I did all the stuff to help me go to bed with a clear hear, took my meds and fell asleep. I woke up at 1:30, took another ambien, wide awake again at 2:30, so I got up and made a to do list. turned the ipod on real low and tried to go back to bed. I did sleep, but was awake almost every hour.
Oh well, I'm not going to let this setback interfere with my day. I at least go a do list done - we'll see how interesting it is written on meds at 2:00 in the morning!

End of Work Day Roundup

Well, I can't say I've done any work today, and no excuses - just got redirected. Mom called and wanted me to help her pick out a printer and wanted to take me to lunch at a restuarant owned by friends (and they're clients), so it was necessary. I guess I can kind of skate since MLK day had everything closed down.
So I'm going to straighten up the house, make a to do list, excercise, eat dinner, take a bath, go to bed and hit the day running tomorrow.

So how's that "Fresh on Monday" thing working out for me?

Meh. I overslept again. I acually feel great this morning, though. I spoke with my mom and we're meeting for a late lunch, then off to home depot for office supplies. Yay. I have a monetary goal set for each week and I have hit it for this week, so my goal this week it to call 20 clients, prospects and set 10 appointments. and get my marketing plan going. i've had the plan for a while, I've just never implemented it
Since it's a holiday - i'll be slightly hampered, but no matter.
So on to important things: What is rolling around in my head right now?
1) i need to call Walgreens and refill my prescription
2) if i were to leave the country and fly to England (I've always wanted to go and I have family there) no matter what the law says, I would take my pistol and carry it (concealed of course).
3)I'm supposed to go to the gym tonight, but I don't feel like going. I'm going to try to make my mood change before then.

Good Morning World!

So where am I from yesterday? Well, I overslept by about 45 minutes, but I'm not too fussed about it today, since there was one hellacious storm last night with thunder and lightening. I did not have a restful sleep. No excuses, just fact.
I've been up less than 15 minutes and am writing - good thing! Bad thing: did not get up and go at get ready and go in the office. What's worse is I'm leaving at noon to go to Odessa for the weekend. And now I'm about to do something that all "life coaches" and experts, etc would say is very wrong. Here goes: "I'm going to start fresh on Monday." Procrastination - my middle name. Oh well. I have done some positive things in the last few days. I'm going to try to post again before I leave for Odessa this afternoon so I can develop the habit.

Mid-day Report

So I'm eating lunch (oatmeal) and I'm thinking to myself, what is my biggest challenge RIGHT NOW? Meaning today, at this moment.
My biggest challenge is leaving my house. I don't know if I'd go as far as calling myself a shut-in because I'm not afraid to leave the house, I just don't want to leave the house. I go to a meeting when I must, I go to the ranch, I go to things that I feel obliged to go to, but if there is no one demanding my presence anywhere, I stay home. This is not good for obvious reasons. What's worse is that I work for myself, so not going to the office means not making money. Even the prospect of being broke is not enough to make me leave. This suggests a deeper problem than not wanting to leave.
I have no excuse and have resolved not to make excuses anymore. I have done some progressive things today which are good.
1) I woke up at an appropriate time (no sleeping in anymore) and got up
2) I started writing again and working on my goals
3) I am making a conscious effort not to obsess over the things I want to obsess over, which I have no control over (this deserves it's own post)
4) Although I have seriously bad breakfast habits (this week - Coke and M&M's) I chose to eat oatmeal for lunch instead of junk. Although since I'm trying to be honest, I added brown sugar, cinnamon honey buter and more M&M's to the oatmeal. I'm not sure that doesn't turn oatmeal into junk...
5) I also started stretching again. 15 years of classical ballet, 7 years of gymnastics, cheerleading and dance team - none of my muscles have been used since my back surgery in 1992. I feel like they've atrophied or something. But I put on my old leotards, ballet shoes and did my ballet streches (not that I got very far on day 1).
However, all of those things that are positives cannot excuse that I did not get up and go into my office FIRST and take care of business. I cannot use the rationalization that I know the problem and I'm taking good baby steps to develop better habits, because in the end, it becomes a crutch. "No, I didn't go to work, but look at all the positive stuff I've done." That can't fly.
So the question becomes - How do I get out of the house?

Third Time's the Charm?

I'm back to posting again - or at least trying to post. Every time I look at the posting box I freeze up. What do I post about. My personal life and journey? Politics? Football and Rodeo? My brain goes all over the place. I guess I'll just have to post the random chaos in my brain until I find a pattern. Maybe it will help to organize my brain and therefore my life.