Emmitt Smith won Dancing With the Stars. I'm not surprised. If he can't beat out Mario "Ra Ra Sis Boom Ba" Lopez then he should emigrate to some salsa dancing country, like, say, Miami, and try again.
Mike Bianchi, from the Orlando Sentinel seems quite downheated about Sir Smith's triumph:
Have you seen those Miller Lite commercials where a panel of manly men discusses a given topic and decides upon a man law? There are a number of readily accepted edicts that real men must live by: No fruit slices garnishing your beer mug, no wine coolers at the tailgate party and no smelling the frosted cranberry spice candles at Bath & Body Works.
Now Emmitt has caused The Official Manual of Man Law to be rewritten with one commandment above all others:Thou Shalt Never Put Dancing Commitments Ahead of Football Commitments.
While I agree with the Man Law commandment, Football Commitments are more important than Dancing Commitments, please keep in mind, Mr. Bianchi, that all women, and this is important, all women equate dancing with sex. Will Smith (no relation to Emmitt, I'm sure) told you this in Hitch. And it is true.
In my neck of the woods, a man that can't two-step has almost no chance to make it into a woman's bed. Conversely, a man that can waltz his beloved right across Texas, well, he can do no wrong in the bedroom.
Mike, my friend, don't cry and let there be a Tear in your Beer, go learn to dance to it. (Hank Sr. and Jr. duet, in case you don't know your country music). I promise you won't lose your manhood. No good, God-fearing woman would make you give up your man-stuff. If you learn to cut-a-rug like Emmitt, your lady will love you for it. I promise.
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